I'm Judging You.

Over the past few years I have found myself on a bit of a contest judging circuit here in Utah. I have had a blast being a judge for songwriting contests at folk festivals, at battle of the bands, (battles of the band??) and at [insert your town here's] Idol and "Got Talent". I genuinely love seeing all the talent we have here. There's always at least one performer at these shows that takes my breath away or moves me to tears. And I'm relatively picky.

Having done a few of these now, I've gained some insights that you might find interesting if you somehow find yourself adjecent to these contests. I've found myself in several different roles now. I've been a contestant, I've been a stage mom, and I've been a judge.

The first thing I want to tell you is something you won't think I mean. It's going to sound like a trite cliche, something I say to everyone to make them feel better. But it is actually something I feel pretty passionate about. Here it is. If you are in the show, if you're a finalist, even if you signed up and automatically got to compete; whatever that situation is, I still mean this: if you are in the show, you already won.

I mean it. I know that what you really wanted was the $75 or the free recording session or whatever. Or maybe not any of that, maybe you just wanted to know that you are the best. Maybe you only wanted to know that you are good.

I want you to consider a few things, and to give you some tips. First, consider that maybe you are a mild mannered singer-songwriter with songs that can rip the heart out of the most cynical chest, but you have a soft voice and you're not a supermodel. (sorry, didn't mean to write my autobiography here) and you are competing against fire eaters and opera singers and really hot dancers and someone who can do two back flips in a row and all of those things are also really cool. And you don't win. Think about how bonkers it is for you to think that this is an accurate measurement of whether or not you deserve to make art. It isn't. It's like trying to definitively declare whether pizza or tacos are better, and the one that doesn't win has to be erased from existance. (The answer is tacos, by the way. But what would I do without pizza? I digress....)

So, a thing to slice right off the top is to ask if the contest is measuring the same thing you are trying to do. If not, then you really need to realize that the whole point of being there is to get yourself in front of that great big crowd and show them what you can do.

I've lost a lot of contests as a contestant myself. I've gotten some of my favorite gigs from being at those contests. I've also made a few friends. At one of the bigger contests that I totally lost, one of the judges booked me at his venue right after the concert ended. Resist the urge to think you are a terrible crap human who should quit everything if you lose. You won because you took a chance and you got up and did a gig instead of staying at home in your pajamas. The best way to be at the right place at the right time is to be a lot of places a lot of times.

With all of that in mind, let me give you a few tips that are going to help at these contests. For today's purposes, I'm focusing on these multi genre talent shows, rather than specific songwriting contests. That's a whole new ball of wax to get into another day. But a lot of these tips cross over.

First of all, at almost all of these, a big percentage of the score is stage presence. That means the cards might already be stacked a little against you if you are standing at a mic with a guitar. You're going to have to make some eye contact with the audience or at least stop looking at the ground. You need to make me feel like you know what you're singing about, and you're not a wax statue with a sound box attached. If you are singing a music theatre song and you have a stunningly beautiful voice and you stay in one place or flap your arms in the same repetetive motion with no facial expression, and another contestant also has a breathtaking voice and shows some emotion and looks more natural and expressive, the one with emotion will win just by the percentage points. Even if you sang a higher note or did a song that had a bigger range. Dynamics make a big difference. Practice in front of a mirror, too, or video yourself to catch your random tics that you might do when you're nervous. Don't tug at your clothes or pick at your face or hair. Remember that you are doing this because you love it and it is fun. Let us see how fun it is and how much it means to you.

Another thing to keep in mind is that creativity is also a category in some of these. If you are singing to a karaoke track, it might be impressive if you are making your voice sound exactly like the original artist, but I might not consider that to be creative. I want to hear your own style, your own licks; your own interpretation of the character who sings that song. In this category, the songwriters get a little boost from me.

If you're a vocalist, song choice is the whole game. If you sound transcendent on the entire song except for the part at the beginning that's a little too low, you aren't going to win. You won't get extra points for choosing something that's too hard for you to do or that doesn't fit you. Pick the song you sound the very best at, and choose the part of the song that makes the biggest impact if you have to cut it down. Here's a fun fact, I've learned that I lose a note or two of my lower range when I get nervous! So weird. Test that out somehow before you get onstage.

Practice the crap out of your number no matter what you are doing. Know it in your sleep. Know what key it is in. Focus on pitch!!! Know the words so well that you could recite them backwards. Know all the chords. Practice the chords that are buzzy sounding until they are crystal clear. FOR THE LOVE, TUNE YOUR GUITAR. And then, if you forget all of it on stage, don't despair. We are on your side and we still want you to have your moment. Get back up and keep going. You might not win but we will love you for it and think highly of you. Don't quit. This happens to the best of them. Really.

I hate to say it, but it matters what you wear. It is absolutely not a beauty contest or a contest for who can wear the most expensive or sparkliest outfit. All I want to see is some intention. I want to see your brand. Your vibe. If you look like you rolled out of bed and ate spaghetti and got sauce all down the front of your holey faded free T-shirt from a 5K that you're wearing with wrinkly athletic shorts, I'll just think you don't care, and it's hard for me to care if you don't. I know that the whole look of "not caring" is a thing. I can't describe exactly how, but to me I see a difference in what "I don't care what anyone thinks of me, I do my own thing" looks like and "I don't care about myself and all of this is stupid, too" looks like. You don't have to look fancy. It can still be jeans and a T-shirt. Just look like you're intentionally you. Err on the side of overdoing it, for things like this. I just judged one of these last night, and when I first walked into the amphitheater in broad daylight and saw a few sequins, it startled me and felt weird for a minute, but once the performer was on stage doing their thing, all of it made sense. Someone else wore bright orange loungewear and also looked perfect, it was great for their brand and vibe. The point is that they cared. The fact that this stuff matters to me is 100 percent passed down from my mother and I can't shake it. So I own it, and I'm the one holding the score sheet. Take the advice for what it's worth.

Finally, let's circle back to what happens if you don't win. What if you want to know why? Is it okay to ask the judges after the show? Yes, with some caveats. First of all, at most of these, we judges are told to put some feedback in the comments in case the contestant wants their score sheet. So, ask for that sheet. Whenever I write comments, (if it all isn't going so fast that I don't have time to write anything down) I assume the contestant will read them. I pick one or two of the most important things to suggest for improvement, and I heap on a lot of praise to go with it, because there is always something good about what you did and I want you to notice it and keep doing it.

If you ask me about those things right after the show, I might not remember all of what you did or what I wrote down about it. If there were 42 acts (that's not an exaggeration, there really are that many sometimes), I simply might not remember off the top of my head what score I gave you. I'll probably remember something about it overall, though, and I'll be happy to give you a high five and a compliment. The nitty gritty of how to do better would be on that score sheet.

Here's what not to do. Don't come up to the judges and yell at them or get defensive, or if they do tell you something to fix, don't argue. Take it as a gift, to be able to see yourself from the outside looking in, from a different perspective. Maybe you won't agree. Maybe, again, you will discover you were being judged for something you weren't really trying to do. If you get jerky with a judge after the show, you are shooting yourself in the foot. Sometimes they are someone who might have given you a gig. Maybe they're someone you'll work with at a show someday. Maybe you'll share the stage. Maybe they'll just judge you again at a different show. If you get defensive, the best case scenario is that they will feel bad for you. When ever I give constructive criticism, I choose the most gentle things to focus on, and I choose fixable things. If you can't even handle those things, I won't think you're ready for any of this showbiz stuff. I won't think you're dumb, because I'll remember when I was that way too. I'll just know that you might need a few more years to figure things out. I'll add, if you're the parent of a contestant, DO NOT go and pick a fight with the judges afterwards. I cannot stress to you what a small world the music business is, especially in Utah. Don't do this.

Honestly, it's totally possible that the judge might even think you should have won, but they probably can't tell you that. I've been in that situation before. The way the scores shook out with the other judges, my favorite didn't win. If they asked me what they could have done better, I would have honestly told them, nothing. You were an orange and you went up against an apple. (I really love oranges!)

So at the end of the day, maybe you can see what I mean. You won when you got on stage. You calmed one more batch of butterflies. You learned one more lesson about the weird thing your voice does when you are nervous and your breathing gets messed up. You learned how July heat puts your guitar tuning out of whack. You made friends with the second place winner and now you're doing a gig together next week. The lady in the 12th row cried when you sang and got all of her friends to buy tickets to your next show or to add your upcoming single to their Spotify. I start off each of these shows being proud of everyone there, and usually I feel the same way no matter who wears the medal at the end. Good job.

Hey, I hope I get to see you at a show soon, under totally different circumstances. You can even judge me if you want. Just keep it to yourself. Hahahahaha.

Come see me sing with The Lower Lights at our free show in downtown Provo on July 24th!